rodneyanderson

THE BATTLE WITHIN (WEEK 4): Hook and jab

Bottom Line: We are tempted to pursue the right thing the wrong way.  Scripture References: Matthew 4:8-10; Matthew 28:18-20; Deuteronomy 6:10-12

 

When it comes to temptation, there are some things that are just obvious “wrongs.” There are some things that we know not to do. But often, we face temptation in areas related to goals and ambitions that are normal and healthy—and we are tempted to pursue the right thing in the wrong way. This week your goal is to help break the “rationalizing” process behind these cycles of temptation. This is going to take a big picture perspective. Use some time before small group to think about how you may have seen integrity rewarded and dishonesty lead to frustration. You may want to share a story from your own observations.

 

Middle School Questions:

 

1. What are three things that you want out of life in the next three years? (Have everyone share)

 

2. Think about the goals and ambitions of the person on your left. What are some “shortcuts” that might help him or her get what they want—but might not be entirely good choices?

 

3. What might make a person choose to take a “shortcut” to get to one of these goals?

 

4. If you choose to take a shortcut, what are you saying about your trust in God? Have you ever thought a shortcut and your trust in God were connected? What could you miss out on if you always choose to do things your own way instead of trusting in God?

 

5. Listen to this statement: “You’ll never accomplish the will of God by abandoning the principles of God. And you’ll never maintain the blessing of God if you abandon the values of God.” Do you believe this? Have you ever had an experience where you saw this was true? (As a leader, this might be a good time to share a story of how you have seen this work out in someone’s life.)

 

6. How will this series change the way you think about temptation?

 

7. What’s one thing you want to do the next time you face temptation?

 

8.       What is something you learned today? What is something you don’t want to forget about this series?

High School Questions:

 

1. What did you think of the talk this week?  What did you hear the speaker say?

 

2. Would you describe yourself as a goal-oriented or driven person? Why or why not?

 

3. What are some of the goals or ambitions that you have in your life? (have everyone share)

 

4. Thinking about the goals and ambitions of the person on your left, what are some “shortcuts” that might present themselves? How might that person be tempted to accomplish his or her goals by abandoning God’s principles?

 

5. What makes it so easy to rationalize sacrificing some of God’s principles in order to reach a goal or ambition like the ones you mentioned?

 

6. Have someone read Jeremiah 12:1: “You are always righteous, O Lord, when I bring a case before you. Yet I would speak with you about your justice: Why does the way of the wicked prosper? Why do all the faithless live at ease?” Have you ever felt like the prophet Jeremiah? Why does it sometimes look like the “wicked prosper”?

 

7. “You’ll never accomplish the will of God by abandoning the principles of God. And you’ll never maintain the blessing of God if you abandon the values of God.” Do you believe this? Have you ever had an experience where you saw this was true? (As a leader, this might be a good time to share a story of how you have seen this work out in someone’s life.)

 

8. What are some of the potential problems with taking shortcuts?

 

9. How will this series change the way you think about temptation?

 

10. Has going through this series made you feel more or less confident about your ability to resist temptation? Do you think it is possible for you to keep resisting temptation? How?

 

 

THE BATTLE WITHIN (3): FIXING THE FIGHT

Bottom Line: We are tempted to believe we know how God works and how we think we can work Him. Scripture References: Matthew 4:5-7; Psalm 91:12; Exodus 17:2-3

As a continuation of last week’s theme, we are still talking about how temptation is related to our trust in God. But this week, we are looking from a specific angle—our temptation to manipulate God. Your goal this week is to help students explore the many ways that we are tempted to manipulate God, and make God much smaller than God actually is. This week has the potential to help many students understand why they may have felt frustrated with God in the past—because they were looking for God to be far less than who He actually is and fit in the box they have for Him. Don’t miss the potential this week to help students examine the way they pray and communicate with God.

 

MS QUESTIONS:

 

1.       If you had to explain temptation to someone, how would you define it?

 

2.       Why do you think we get tempted to do things that we know aren’t going to be best for us in the long run?

 

3.       Have you ever chosen to make a bad choice because you were fairly confident that you could get out of the consequences?

 

4.       Have you ever made a poor choice and then assumed that God would bail you out of trouble? What’s the danger in assuming what God will or will not do?

 

5.       If God doesn’t bail you out of a situation, does it mean that He doesn’t care about you? Why or why not?

 

6.       Last week, what did we say was connected to our ability to resist temptation?

7.       What do you think it looks like to cooperate with God? Do you think you have ever done that? What do you think it looks like to manipulate God? Do you think you have ever done that?

 

8.       What might prevent you from deciding to cooperate with God rather than trying to get God to act the way you think He should?

 

9.       When you try to get God to give you what you want, or act the way you think He ought to act, how does it affect the way you pray and the way God can relate to you?

 

10.   What is something you learned today?

 

HS Questions

 

1.       What did you think of the talk this week? What did you hear the speaker say?

 

2.       If you had to explain temptation to someone, how would you define it?

 

3.       Why do you think we get tempted to do things that we know aren’t going to be best for us in the long run?

 

4.       Have you ever chosen to make a bad choice because you were fairly confident that you could get out of the consequences?

5.       What are some ways that people might try to “manipulate” God? Can you think of some examples?

 

6.       What are some potential consequences of trying to manipulate God? (It doesn’t work and we blame God, we don’t ever really listen to God or get to know God, etc.)

 

7.       Last week, what did we say was connected to our ability to resist temptation?

 

8.       How does cooperating with God look different from manipulating God?

 

9.       What might prevent you from really surrendering to God and deciding to cooperate rather than manipulate?

 

10.   How does having a manipulative relationship with God affect your prayers and the way God can relate to you?

 

11.   How would you describe yourself right now when it comes to relating to God—are you a cooperator, or a manipulator?

 

THE BATTLE WITHIN (WEEK 2): IN THIS CORNER

Bottom Line: Every time you’re tempted, your confidence in God is at stake, not just your self-control. Scripture References: Matthew 4:1-4; Deuteronomy 8:3, 11-14, 17

Most of us evaluate the temptations in our lives based on the immediate consequences and the probability of getting caught. After all, it usually comes down to what makes the most sense for me.  But what if we really believed that there was a God who was bigger, and smarter and more capable than ourselves? How would it change the way we view temptation if we acted like the most rational and logical thing was to submit to God rather than leaning on our own understanding? Your goal this week is to help students see how every temptation is an opportunity to trust God or trust only in themselves.

 

HS QUESTIONS:

 

1. What do you remember about our talk last week? Did anyone recognize a temptation they might not have recognized, or respond to a temptation in a different way because of what we talked about last week?

 

2. What did you think of the talk this week? What did you hear the speaker say?

 

3. What are some areas of life where a high school student might be tempted to think, “if I don’t take this into my own hands and do it myself, what I want won’t happen”? (Maybe a relationship, acceptance with a group of friends, academic achievement, future plans)

 

4. What makes people think it’s up to them to make things happen? Why is it difficult to trust God?

 

5. Think of one area of your life (either an immediate thing or something more long term) where it is difficult for you to really trust God. In your mind answer the following questions:

a.       Does God care about this particular thing in my life?

b.       Do I think God is big enough to take care of this area of my life?

c.       Can God be trusted to take care of this area of my life?

 

6.       Which question(s) did you feel most uncomfortable answering “yes” to? (Leader: see the closing challenge)

 

7. How does your view of temptation change when you view it as a question of whether God can be trusted to handle it and not a question of whether or not you get caught?

 

8. How is your faith at risk when you give into temptation—even just one time?

 

9. What can you do this week to help you begin to trust God more?

 

MS QUESTIONS:

 

1. What do you remember about our talk last week? Did anyone recognize a temptation they might not have recognized, or respond to a temptation in a different way because of what we talked about last week?

 

2. Temptation is always a test of our faith. What does that mean?

 

3. If temptation is a test of your faith, why does God care so much about the way you respond to temptation?

 

4. Knowing how much is on the line, why do you think Christians still give into temptation?

 

5. Think of one area of your life where it is difficult for you to really trust God. In your mind answer the following questions:

a.       Does God care about this particular thing in my life?

b.       Do I think God is big enough to take care of this area of my life?

c.       Can God be trusted to take care of this area of my life?

 

6.       Which question(s) did you feel most uncomfortable answering “yes” to? (Leader: see the closing challenge)

 

7.       How does remembering God provided manna to the Israelites in the desert for 40 years remind us that God can be trusted to provide for our daily needs?

 

8. What can you do this week to help you begin to trust God more?

 

9. What is something you learned today?
   

NEW SERIES: THE BATTLE WITHIN

THE BATTLE WITHIN (WEEK 1): the main event

 

Bottom Line: In every single temptation you face, there is always more at risk than you think. Scripture References: Matthew 3:16-17; Matthew 4:1-3

 

Temptation—everyone’s favorite topic. But don’t panic yet! You’re goal this week is just to introduce the topic in such a way that students can feel comfortable acknowledging the reality of temptation in their own lives. WARNINGS: Temptation is a tricky small group topic. The purpose of this series is not to get your students to confess personal struggles to the group, but to help students begin to think openly about the dynamic of temptation and the significance that it has on their faith. Most of the “specifics” in this series are deliberately handled in a self-reflective manner rather than asking students to share out loud because we believe that conversations about specific struggles are best when student initiated or when done in one-on-one settings. As your students work through this topic, it may be a perfect time for you to schedule some of those one-on-one conversations you’ve been meaning to have.

 

HIGH SCHOOL QUESTIONS

 

1.       What did you think of the talk this week? What did you hear the speaker say?

2.       What is your absolute favorite food? Pretend someone put that food in front of you and told you not to eat it for thirty minutes. How would you rationalize not waiting to eat it?

 

3.       What are other ways that people tend to rationalize doing things they know they shouldn’t do?

 

4.       When you are rationalizing, do you stop to think about everything that is at stake or do you tend to focus on the most immediate consequences?

 

5.       Have you ever seen someone give into temptation, and it affected not only his or her life, but the lives of those around him or her? (Without giving names, what are some examples of how this can happen?)

 

6.       Who might be affected if you give in to temptation?

 

7.       How does thinking about the effects on these people change the way you think about some of the temptations in your life?

 

8.       If I said that temptation and trust are linked, would you agree? How are they related?

 

9.       If trust and temptation are linked, how is your faith in God connected to your ability to resist temptation?

 

10.   How would knowing all that is at risk when it comes to our response to temptation change the way you deal with it?

 

MIDDLE SCHOOL QUESTIONS

 

1.       What is was your absolute favorite food growing up? Pretend someone put that food in front of you and told you not to eat it for thirty minutes. How could you talk yourself into thinking it would be okay to eat it before the time was up?

 

2.       What are other ways that people tend to talk themselves into doing things they know they shouldn’t do?

 

3.       What normally goes through your head when you are being tempted?

 

4.       What are some common temptations for students at your school?

 

5.       Can you think of some long-term consequences for someone who gives into those temptations?

 

6.       How could giving into some of those temptations end up hurting not only the person who gives in, but other people in that person’s life as well?

 

7.       If I said that temptation and trust are linked, would you agree? How are they related?

 

8.       How can a person resist temptation when it happens? (ex: Stop. Think it through. Pray. Remember what God says. Ask a trusted adult or Christian who you trust.)

 

9.       What is something you learned today?

 

NEW SERIES OVERVIEW & QUESTIONS

REFLECTION: What do you see when you look in the mirror? Many of us see what we’re not instead of who we actually are, don’t we? We see someone who burned dinner or spilled juice on the carpet. Someone who lost her car keys—again. Someone who is not the right height or weight. Someone plagued with could-have-beens and if-onlys. These disappointments and imperfections are why we want to cover up who we really are. We want to make sure that the world around us sees only the version of us that we want them to see. But the Bible tells us we are children of God—loved and treasured exactly as we are. Over the next two weeks we are going to challenge students to take a look at themselves and dare to be real.

Week One (May 17)
The first week we are going to set up the series by talking about the masks that we all wear. Most of us know we can’t be perfect at everything, but we do have certain areas where we want to appear like we are. We want to be desired and valued. We want to feel we are worth something. But in order to get those things, many of us feel the need to cover up who we really are. This week we will encourage students to begin to allow others to see them for who they really are. We want them to be free from hiding behind masks.

Week Two (May 24)
Practice makes perfect. How many times have you heard that? How many times have you said it? Just like it takes practice to be a skilled musician or softball player, it takes practice to be content with the real you. This week we will share with students just a little bit about what our heavenly Father thinks about them. We want to encourage them to practice seeing who God sees when they look in the mirror. Because when we learn to see ourselves as God sees us, we can be free to live without the mask and be who we truly are.

REFLECTION (1): MASKS

Bottom Line: I cover up the real me in order to feel valued and loved.
Scripture References: Genesis 12:10-20; 1 John 4:19; 1 John 3:1

Have you ever been talking to a student and seen through his or her mask? You see beyond the church image they are presenting to you. Maybe you see the hurt they are covering up. Or maybe you see layer after layer of masks that they wear for their friends, for their boyfriend or girlfriend or for their parents. This week your goal is to help students become aware of the ways they cover up who they really are. This shouldn’t be a session of pointing fingers. But when you ask the right questions in love, in light of what you know to be true about your students specifically, you can help them uncover some very revealing truths about the way they currently live.

MS QUESTIONS:

1. Pass out the “How Fake Are You?” quiz and a pile of Skittles or M&Ms. Read each category out loud. If you are guilty of the thing in question, you must eat one Skittle. In the end, the person with the most Skittles left over is the winner. Your ability to be transparent will be key. This should be something fun and humorous as you discover together that we all cover up who we really are.

2. Do you have a MySpace or Facebook page? Did you create the “real” you or a version of you that you are willing to share?

3. If you create a profile to describe your dream life what would it look like?

4. Why do we care about other people’s opinion so much?

5. What do you think it would be like if everyone was willing to show their “real” selves? Would that be good or bad? Explain.

6. Which group of people do you think are happier, those who always walk around pretending to be someone they’re not or those who are just themselves?

7. Where do get the idea that we need to be perfect?

8. How many of you have ever looked at your life and saw something you didn’t like? What are some things that people don’t like about themselves?

9. Why did Abraham lie about his relationship with his wife?

10. Have you ever lied in order to fit in better? Was it worth it? Why?

11. How do the verses we read in 1 John make you feel? What would it be like if no matter who you are or what you did your parents and friends would always love you? That’s what those verses tell us about how God feels about you.

12. The speaker said to stand in front of a mirror this week and write what we see about ourselves, good and bad. What kinds of things could we write on our mirrors?

13. What is something you learned from the lesson this week?

HS QUESTIONS:

1. What did you think of the talk this week?  What did you hear the speaker say?

2. Can you think of a time when a celebrity got caught misrepresenting themselves? (lip-syncing, going undercover, etc.)

3. Pass out the “How Fake Are You?” quiz and a pile of Skittles or M&Ms. Read each category out loud. If you are guilty of the thing in question, you must eat one Skittle. In the end, the person with the most Skittles left over is the winner. Your ability to be transparent will be key. This should be something fun and humorous as you discover together that we all cover up who we really are.

4. What are some reasons that people misrepresent themselves?

5. What are the benefits of living under a false identity? (You “fit in”; other people admire you and respect you.)

6. What are the dangers? (No one can really love you because no one really knows you; you live with a sense of shame because only you know your faults and you are your greatest critic.)

7. Do you know someone who seems to be good at letting others see who they really are? Do people accept him or her in spite of their flaws?

LOVESICK (WEEK 2): ALL YOUR EGGS IN ONE BASKET

Bottom Line: Dating is a great thing, but it’s not everything.
Scripture References: 1 Corinthians 6:12; Proverbs 25:16

“Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket!” We’ve all heard the phrase
before, some of us have probably even used it a time or two, but when
it comes to dating, it can be pretty hard to actually put into
practice. Your goal this week is to help students wrestle with the
content from last week’s message and this week’s message to find ways
to be balanced in their approach to dating.

High School Questions:

1.      What do you remember about last week’s talk? Is there anything from
this week or last week that stood out to you?

2.      Last week we talked about how Samson was called to be a specific
kind of individual and lead a specific kind of life. If you think back
to when you were a kid growing up, what kind of person did you imagine
you would be when you were where you are now?

3.      If you could imagine what God wants for your life, what God wants
you to be experiencing in your life, what would that look like?

4.      How can a dating relationship or the idea of “girls” or “boys” hold
you back from experiencing some of the things God wants in your life?

5.      The speaker mentioned five baskets: God, family, friends,
extracurricular activities and dating. Are there any other categories
that you think are missing? (This is just to make sure students agree
and understand the baskets . . . it’s not a trick question.)

6.      Have you ever seen someone who was so focused on the dating basket
that they forgot who they were or missed out on what they might have
otherwise experienced? What happened? (Be careful not to let this
drift into idle gossip. No names please.)

7.      Do you have to be dating someone in order to be too focused on
dating, or have too many eggs in the dating basket?

8.      What happens when we put all our eggs in one basket?

9.      If you had 15 hypothetical eggs and you had to place them in the
baskets according to where you spend your time, your money, your
attention and affection, where would you place them?

10.     Do you see anything that seems unbalanced in your life?

11.     How could you begin to make changes to make your life have more
balance? Is there someone in your life who can help you find and
maintain that balance? When are you going to begin to make the changes
you need to make in order not to be so lovesick?

Middle School Questions:

1.      What did you think about the basket illustration?

2.      What did the speaker mean when he or she said that we shouldn’t put
all of our eggs in one basket? What do you think that looks like in
your world?

3.      Read Proverbs 25:16 “If you find honey, eat just enough—too much of
it, and you will vomit.” Why is it important not to put all of our
eggs in one basket?

4.      Have you ever seen someone who had all his or her eggs in one
basket—not necessarily dating, but any basket? What happened? (Be
careful that this does not become idle gossip. No names please.)

5.      Do you have to be dating someone in order to have all your eggs in
the dating basket? Why? (We want students to begin to see that where
they place their attention and affection is important.)

6.      Have you ever felt the pressure to be with someone or always
dating? Where does that pressure come from?

7.      In all honesty, which baskets do you think you are not putting
enough eggs into? Which basket or baskets are you putting too many
eggs into?

8.      What is something you learned from the lesson this week? What is
one thing you learned through this series you don’t want to forget?

New Series: LOVESICK

LOVESICK:

There’s something pretty amazing about being in love, isn’t there? The butterflies in your stomach. The dreamy gazes. No wonder so many of us are so in love with being in love. But if you look around—in the media, at school, in life—we’ve taken what God created and twisted it, morphed it and configured it into something it was never meant to be—an obsession. When romantic relationships become an obsession, balance goes out the window. We miss out on opportunities and experiences we might otherwise have had. And sometimes we even forget who we are. There’s got to be healthier way to do this. There’s got to be another way than being so lovesick.

LOVESICK (Week 1): obsessed

Bottom Line: When we become obsessed with relationships, we lose sight of who we are. Scripture References: Numbers 6:1-21, Judges 13:24-25; 13:2-5; 14:1-3; 16:4-5, 15-16

There is nothing quite like the experience of falling in love. All students in middle school and high school are trying to navigate romantic relationships and seeking the approval and admiration of those they are attracted to. Because dating is so intricately connected to who we are as individuals, there are many different ways to talk about it and when we talk about it, it raises a number of important questions. This week we are asking that you have your small group session first as a way to explore the many concerns and curiosities your students have when it comes to this topic.

WARNING: This week has the potential to be extremely powerful, as you find out what your students are dealing with in this significant area of their lives. It also has the potential to be extremely dangerous. Students may ask challenging questions relating to homosexuality, premarital sex and a variety of other moral boundaries. Students may have situations from their past or present that have caused tremendous pain in this area of their lives. Remember, you do not need to have all of the answers. Be prepared. Be honest. Be relevant and helpful, and know when to refer the student to someone else if a situation or question arises that you feel unable or uncomfortable resolving in small group.

High School Questions

1.       When you heard that we were doing a “dating series” what did you think? Do you like to talk about dating? Not like to talk about it? Why?

2.       Did you have a “love” interest growing up?  What’s your earliest memory of dating (rejection      memories count)?

3.       What do you expect this series to be about?

4.       What do you wish we could talk about more when it comes to dating?

5.       Why do you think we feel such a strong desire to be in a romantic relationship? What does dating offer that makes it so appealing? What are some of the benefits?

6.       What do you think are some of the possible dangers associated with dating?

7.       If you had to give dating advice to a friend or sibling who was three years younger than you, what advice would you give them? Why?

8.       Do you know an older couple who seems to have a strong, healthy relationship—a relationship you might want for yourself one day? If you could ask them anything, what would you ask them?

Middle School Questions

1.       When you heard that we were doing a “dating series” what did you think? Do you like to talk about dating? Not like to talk about it? Why?

2.       Did you have a “love” interest in elementary school?  What’s your earliest memory of “dating” (rejection memories count)?

3.       What do you expect this series to be about?

4.       What do you hope we will talk about during this series? Why?

5.       Why do you think people feel such a strong desire to be in a romantic relationship? What does dating offer that makes it so appealing? What are some of the benefits?

6.       What do you think are some of the possible dangers associated with dating?

7.       Do you have an older sibling who is dating right now? What have you observed about           their relationship and dating?

8.       Do you know an older couple who seems to have a strong, healthy relationship—a relationship that you might want for yourself one day? What about their relationship appeals to you?